Ep. 32: Are we taking this to the mat or the table?
WATCH:
LISTEN:
Do you resolve conflicts where you feel like you have to be the winner? Bad news: that’s toxic conflict management.
Truly resolving conflict takes courage. It’s not easy, but it makes our relationships ten-fold better.
Tune in as we look at what toxic and healthy conflict resolution looks like, and how we navigate through the haze of choosing to meet halfway without feeling like losing.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Conflict resolution and the toxicity that sometime goes with it [4:20]
Conflict resolution is a recognition that conflict is a real thing
Conflicts arises because of incompatible ideals
What it means to “resolve a conflict”
Resolving a conflict doesn’t have to make you “the winner”
Feeling like you lost is a sign that a conflict hasn’t been resolved
What healthy conflict resolution looks like [10:50]
It can be uncomfortable
The willingness to make some adjustments
Everybody gets what they need
Having courage to call out what needs to be called out
Admitting that you don’t have everything figured out
Processing what you truly feel and how you want to say it
The haze of choosing to go to the table versus a mat [28:26]
Finding the balance between gracious towards others and setting boundaries
The willingness of the other party to meet halfway
Navigating through ‘meeting halfway’ [36:35]
What kind of person do you choose to be, despite all the difficulty?
Showing up from a place of love and understanding
Lessons [40:09]
In conflict resolution, your delivery is everything
Setting the tone for the conversation that has to happen at the table
EPISODE QUOTES:
Sometimes during that in-between when we both are trying to figure out how to respond or processing information, that can sometimes be the difference between whether or not I'm ready to head to the mat at a table, right? Because that in-between, is the time where I have time to develop the story that I've told myself about what it is that you're thinking. And that story is not always a positive story.
- Scott Hayes
I want to resolve the conflict in a way that works for everyone involved. You don't have to be the winner.
- Scott Hayes
I think a baseline healthy is, in my opinion, where we've accounted for humanity and the feelings and desires of everyone involved in the situation, like you honored it in some way to the best of everyone's ability.
- Shaté Hayes
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Gonna Love Me by Teyana Taylor
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
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