Ep. 19: When I’m Hysterical, It’s Historical.

Oct 24

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Whether you like it or not, your triggers will come knocking at the door whenever they want. So it pays to be always ready when they do.

In this episode, let's delve into the topics of triggers, trauma responses, and how to move forward from them.

We learned a lot from this episode. We know that you will too, so tune in.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:

What a ‘trigger’ really is [3:41]

The inability to be present because of something that’s happened in the past
Something that causes an emotional distress
Remembering your trauma and responding to it
Your triggers can’t be forgotten, but you can heal from it
People tend to develop coping mechanisms as response to triggers
Triggers are not a bad thing at all—they’re learning experiences

“When I’m hysterical, it’s historical” [13:06]

Leaving the present (and the future), going back to the unchangeable past, and operating from that place
Running away from what hurts you is a band-aid solution; you’ll eventually have to face it

The haze of triggers [16:44]

The difficulty to identify triggers
The mentality to cope with triggers triggers doesn’t come easy, especially for men, who have been wired to be strong
The inability to move forward because of second-guessing yourself

Navigating the haze [20:42]

Naming your triggers and saying the out loud
Learning about new ways to cope—the method that you’re doing before might not be the best way to cope now
“Forgiving and forgetting” may not be real
Give yourself grace that you could pass on to others
Finding a mentor/loved one/friend/professional that would support you

EPISODE QUOTES:

If I sit here and say that the only way that I can say that I'm healed is if I'm never triggered by this thing again, then I do myself a disservice. And I'm also just lying. Because you can be triggered by things. It's about how you cope when you're triggered.
- Scott Hayes

Because I remember, it doesn't mean that I'm still in the trauma space, it just means that I remember. We want to be people who just remember where we got the scar from or the thing that happened. But it doesn't take me back to the space I was in during that time.
- Scott Hayes

If we don't give ourselves grace to be able to have these triggers and experience these things that remind us of bad spaces in our lives or whatever, then we can't imagine really giving it to anyone else.
- Scott Hayes

Ideally, if you need more than one to support you in different areas of your life, I think that's perfectly great, too. Sometimes it could be a mentor, sometimes it could be a loved one, family member or friend. I think it's best if it were a professional…
- Shaté Hayes