Ep. 83: How to observe (not absorb) other people’s feelings.
WATCH:
LISTEN:
In this episode, we dive into the art of observing other people's feelings without taking them on as our own. Join us as we explore practical strategies for maintaining emotional boundaries in close relationships with family, friends, and partners. Discover the role emotional regulation plays in this process, and get inspired by our hopes for finding real-life ways to practice this approach.
Tune in for insightful conversations and tips on how to stay empathetic yet emotionally grounded.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Observing not absorbing [1:36]
Being empathetic and supportive without taking on another person's emotions as your own
Therapists suggest supporting loved ones without absorbing their distress, emphasizing that empathy should not involve taking on someone else's sadness or anxiety.
It can be challenging to separate one's own feelings from those of others, especially in close relationships, and there's a tendency to feel responsible for making others feel better.
Establishing emotional boundaries is crucial, recognizing someone’s emotional state without allowing it to dictate your own mood or actions.
Relearning communication and trust in marriage [10:11]
Scott reflects on how life experiences have made him more guarded in his marriage, withdrawing emotional vulnerability and being more careful with his words.
Recognizing the need to relearn how to support his wife, Shate Hayes, in a safe and non-absorbing manner.
Acknowledging the importance of giving your spouse the space to solve their own problems and be a partner in their marriage.
Empathy and boundaries in therapy [17:45]
Discussion on emotion regulation and avoidance in men.
Seeking to balance helping others with maintaining personal boundaries.
The approach to empathy- hearing people's hearts without trying to control their emotions.
The importance of empathy and self-determination in therapy.
Navigating personal relationships while maintaining professional boundaries [23:41]
The struggle with navigating close relationships without absorbing others' emotions.
Scott Hayes emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding in his work as a therapist, particularly when clients make decisions that go against his advice.
The challenge of balancing the need to be productive with the need to be empathetic and supportive, even when clients are not ready for the work required.
Handling emotions and conflicts in a relationship [24:08]
Setting boundaries and seeking help for recurring problems.
Recognizing limitations in providing support and suggesting seeking help from others.
Finding a way to support each other emotionally without judgment or expectations.
The need for validation and redirection in relationships.
Navigating conflicts in relationships, acknowledging the importance of allowing emotions to move through both parties.
The need to navigate emotions without trying to run over them, just like navigating around obstacles on a bike or in a car.
EPISODE QUOTES:
“It's just gonna be intentional. work to, to observe that and take it in and feel it and it can be, it's something that I'm still processing through because I do think it's a gift.”
- Shaté Hayes
“We can love people, to a point to where it does them a disservice when we try to navigate life for them.”- Scott Hayes
“We can be able to do two or three things at once. And know that two things can be true at the same time. Like, yes, you can be grieving. And yes, you can also find a way to not take it out on your partner. But you can find a way to ask for help. Without beating up on someone that's important to you, you can find a way to be supportive, without trying to take over for that person. ”- Scott Hayes
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