Ep. 21: When you stay ready, you stay guarded.
WATCH:
LISTEN:
“When you're guarded, yes, you keep the bad out. But you also keep the good from coming in.”
This statement from Dr. Nicole LaBeach really resonated with us, and we want to put this conversation in the spotlight.
How important are vulnerability, authenticity, and choosing to let others in? How can we find a balance among these things and live a happier, more fulfilled life?
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Why staying ready sometimes mean staying defensive [2:26]
You don’t let things that hurt you in the past hurt you again
You want to brace yourself for whatever may come
Your hands are always closed, not open to receive anything (even the good things)
This generation is all about staying ready
You keep people get to know you in a deeper level, and most of the time, you don’t realize this
Fearing vulnerability [9:15]
The world taught you that in order to be vulnerable, you need to be in a safe space
Can you show the authentic, unguarded version of you without the potential of getting hurt?
We fear being judged and being pitied
We have an innate need for feeling supported
Being in situations where you chose to be vulnerable but it didn’t pan out well
The haze of being vulnerable vs. unguarded [29:44]
Having regrets for your what-ifs and what-could-have-beens
The fear of unbinding your hands and receiving the uncertain
Being research-based rather than faith-based (it requires faith to be vulnerable)
Beating yourself up for decisions that gave results that are different from what you desired
Navigating through the haze [35:13]
Making decisions solely based on the person you’re trying to become—doing it scared
Trust and enjoying the journey and making adjustments along the way
Being wary of making the same mistakes
EPISODE QUOTES:
Whatever that, whoever that is saying to you “Let me in,” it could be a relationship, could be an opportunity, could be healing, could be joy, could be anything, let it in.
- Shaté Hayes
But if I get out here and I explore, then God has given me exactly what I need for the journey. I just have to know how to set myself, but not only that, to be able to make the adjustment in the middle of it. If I can make the adjustment, then I'll be okay. So I might make a misstep or make a mistake and I may be a little off-course but navigating the journey, which is what we're doing, is being able to make the adjustment and do something different.
- Scott Hayes
When you're vulnerable, you risk all of the things that you're afraid of happening, and you have to be comfortable in that discomfort.
- Shaté Hayes
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Put A Ring on It with Dr. Nicole LaBeach
Listen to Let Me In by Anthony David
Read After the Rain by Alexandra Elle
Follow @blackmenheal on Instagram
Follow @therapyforblackgirls on Instagram
Follow @askdrnicole on Instagram
Follow @talk2spirit on Instagram
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
Clear the haze with our Weekly Word.
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