Ep. 35: The stories we tell ourselves.
WATCH:
LISTEN:
One of The Four Agreements is this: Don’t take anything personally – nothing others do is because of you.
How many relationships have we sabotaged because of the story we tell ourselves, and not because of what really happened?
In today’s episode, we take a step back and talk about how these stories are affecting the way we think about ourselves and others. Of course, together, we’ll figure out how to navigate this to save our relationships.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
The stories we tell ourselves vs. the actual story [3:56]
We tend to make it about us, when most of the time, it’s not
Most of the stories we tell ourselves tend to be negative, and they’re destroying our self-esteem
These stories have the power to sever relationships
The stories we tell ourselves become our truth
BONUS: the real story of our first date, and the story Scott made up in his head
Why we make up stories [13:49]
We’re afraid of difficult conversations
We fear being rejected and not being accepted
Some of these negative feelings root from trauma, and how we’re wired to think
The haze of breaking the habit of making up stories [20:30]
Breaking down the pattern of making things/situations personal
Slowing down/taking a step back
Getting curious, not furious
Always being in a protective mode rather than giving people a chance
Navigating through the haze [27:56]
Give yourself enough space and time to connect
Being intentional in having the difficult conversations rather than jumping to unfavorable conclusions
Assume good intent
EPISODE QUOTES:
When it's about us, we have the tendency to be like, “Oh, I'm just having a rough day, or I got this circumstance going on that is impacting how I'm showing up.” When it comes to somebody else we automatically go to “it's because this is how that person is,” not necessarily thinking about the circumstance that they have going on.
- Shaté Hayes
Because we tell ourselves a story and it becomes our truth. And sometimes we can make our truth the truth and operate from that place. And we never go back and have the conversation.
- Scott Hayes
I think our first thoughts aren't to protect the relationship, our first thoughts are to protect ourselves. - Shaté Hayes
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to Just My Imagination by The Temptations
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
Clear the haze with our Weekly Word.
We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life.
