Ep. 38: Can We Talk Pt.1: Does avoidance keep the peace?
WATCH:
LISTEN:
We think it's time for grown people to use their words. Some may think they’re choosing peace when really they’re choosing avoidance, which can lead to resentment. The key is to deliver what you need to say without causing the other person to become defensive.
Oftentimes, ending with questions offers the other person the chance to respond and be heard. It paves way to have a conversation without friction. Let’s talk about what it really looks like to keep the peace.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
What does it mean to be avoidant? [3:03]
Choosing not to have involvement
Deciding not to engage with anything that feels uncomfortable
Overcoming avoidance [9:00]
Normalize just having conversations where we don't agree on a matter
Understanding that we have different perspectives
Setting expectations
The haze of choosing to be direct [24:48]
Exposure
The risk of judgment and abandonment
Fear of rejection
What does peace really look like? [31:13]
Being your most authentic self.
No judgment.
Consequences of not talking about difficult conversations [36:03]
Pebbles of resentment
Fallout
EPISODE QUOTES:
From the lens of my healing, I understand that maybe the person or the situation or whatever it was, wasn't there to hurt me… Because through the lens of my healing. It's something that I had to go through to get to the best version of myself.
- Scott Hayes
I want to change my own perspective, because this heal version of me knows that even when I made mistakes in the past, I was still worthy.
- Scott Hayes
My perspective now has changed, because I understand that I'm able to be better and not live in the bitter.
- Scott Hayes
If we don't, we don't give work to it, we can't move on from it.
- Brené Brown
Healing doesn't mean that I'm always going to get it right, I'm still gonna bump my head, sometimes even when I know better, I give myself permission to keep walking, to keep being on the journey.
- Scott Hayes
It's just like learning how to extend that grace to myself to let it go. That's a big haze.
- Shaté Hayes
If we avoid having difficult conversations, then the product of not having those difficult conversations is like a Fallout, it can be the ending of the relationship. It can be the resentment that we hold towards each other.
- Scott Hayes
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
Clear the haze with our Weekly Word.
We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life.
