Ep. 53: Bigger than my bottom.
WATCH:
LISTEN:
“If you want to have a conversation with me about who I am, don't just talk to me about my failures. Don't just talk to me about my bottom moments. My story is in my ‘keep going.’ In the times where I was not doing the greatest, but I kept going.” - Karega Bailey
What a powerful statement! We often forget that we are more than just the sum of our experiences, and we have the power to shape our own identities and narratives.
This episode serves as a reminder that we can choose to learn from our struggles, grow from them, and use them as opportunities for personal development and growth.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
What does it mean to be in a “bottom moment” [3:54]
Those time when you “didn’t get it right”, impacting you and people you care about
When things aren’t in your control (but don’t necessarily define who you are)
When you’re in the lowest part of your life (e.g. substance abuse, losing a loved one, etc.)
The dangers of centering our identity on our bottom moments [9:09]
Self-sabotaging yourself to believing that “the real you” is the you when you’re in the lowest
Having the emotional weight of doing something that is not in alignment with your values
Missing opportunities for growth
Failure to give grace to yourself, which often results in failure to give grace to others
The haze of pulling yourself out of those bottom moments [15:57]
Getting over the desire to want to feel good all the time could be a challenge as you attempt to rise up
Remembering that life is a balance of highs and lows could be hard sometimes
Being mindful of how you talk to yourself
Finding practical ways to be good to yourself
Navigating the haze [26:40]
Discovering tools that will push you to be less hard on yourself (movement, therapy, meditations, applications, etc.)
Setting boundaries to people who continue to hold you hostage of your bottom moments
Reminding the people close to you that you are human and your mistakes don’t define you
Lessons on bottom moments [36:39]
Your bottom moments are also the best moments to learn and grow
Your bottom moments are also new beginnings
EPISODE QUOTES:
So imagine then, an identity anchored to something that is not your best moment, how that will manifest in your life and the choices that you make and how you're showing up at your people? And it's just a slippery slope. If that’s a bottom moment, it can keep you at the bottom.
- Shaté Hayes
Bottom moments have been uncomfortable for me, because it also is a recognition that the plan that I had maybe wasn't the best plan and needed some tweaking. But being able to reframe that thing and shift the focus into it being the best opportunity for me to grow.
- Scott Hayes
Because I do always want to feel good, always want to bring good energy to situations, right? But you're not always gonna feel good. It's not always gonna feel good. But we got to keep going all the time.
- Scott Hayes
It’s in my keep going…it’s not in my bottom moments.
- Karega Bailey
Guilt is “I made a mess.” Shame is “I am a mess.”
- Brene Brown
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to I Am Light by India.Arie
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
Clear the haze with our Weekly Word.
We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life.
