Ep. 71: Money talk with Natasha & Damian Carrillo.
WATCH:
LISTEN:
If you caught episode 70, then you know we weren’t sure if we’d be able to make the last five episodes of the year happen because we’ve been through a lot lately, and we wanted a break. Well, we decided to find a way to work smarter instead of giving up.
We’ve been blessed to be guests on a number of other podcasts this year, and we’re sharing a few of those episodes and reflections. Up first, is our convo with Natasha and Damian Carrillo of Black and Brown Make Green Podcast. We had an honest money and relationships convo and we can’t wait to share it with you!
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
The story of how we met [6:43]
Dating and ghosting… And dating and ghosting
Dating pre and post social media and dating apps
Our history with money [14:48]
Scott’s history with money
How our histories with money affected our marriage
Discussing gender roles in money
Learning to partner as a couple and not roommates [17:44]
Discussing relationships we saw growing up
Learning what each other desired
Seeking help from a financial advisor
Working past differing opinions [20:45]
Navigating childhood and racial traumas
The scarcity mindset
Who is the breadwinner/tackling “traditional gender roles”
Honoring your husband as head of the household
Being self aware [24:44]
Where is this reaction coming from?
Marriage counseling/therapy
Addressing past triggers in marriage
Boundaries and communication
The three things you need to better communicate [31:03]
Understand
Express
Affirm
The biggest lessons we learned [33:58]
Do not be afraid to seek help, even BEFORE things get hard.
Be self aware of your past so that it doesn’t hinder your future.
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
EPISODE QUOTES:
I think that it was more so about me learning myself, like me having the opportunity to really strip down, look at what happened in that marriage. And look at my part, and my part in it was that I never really told the person what I needed to be successful in a relationship with me. And you really can't expect something from anyone. If you don't tell, learn what it is that you need and give them the opportunity to either meet that, or say, ‘I want to do that.’
- Scott Hayes
I've just learned in my adult years, especially how important it really is to just say what's on your mind, even if the conversation even if it's uncomfortable, just figure out how to communicate that.
- Shaté Hayes
At some point I developed the Superman syndrome, where I believe that the best way to show up as a man for my family, in my marriage, was to not need anything to be the one that everybody could call on. Right. And it was to my own detriment.
- Scott Hayes
I think the number one thing about getting past it is just to recognize why you're feeling the way you're feeling. Can you really tackle that as the issue and not each other?
- Shate Hayes
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Listen to C.R.E.A.M., song by Wu-Tang Clan
Listen to Get Money, song by Junior M.A.F.I.A
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
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We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life.
