Ep. 72: The origins of our stuck places with Dom L’Amour.
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LISTEN:
Here’s another one of the dope Black podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months. In this episode, we’re sharing our conversation with Dom L’Amour on The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast, where we talked about how the messages we received as kids that may have kept us stuck, communication, and a number of the other unspoken hazes of life.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
The privilege of open communication [6:13]
Creating a safe space for your partner to communicate freely
Unlearning negative communication styles from childhood
Being able to show up in the world the way you want
Understanding our parents were also in survival mode and possibly didn’t have this privilege
How our mindset shapes our lives
Healing origin story and the need for change [14:29]
Learning to express our wants and desires early
Growing as a person separately while in a relationship
What real, mature relationship looks like
Learning communication as an adult
Breaking your own heart
Why communication is crucial to make relationships work [22:12]
‘Love language’ as a means to communicate
We can’t always assume that the other person knows what we want and need—it is our responsibility to tell them
Lack of awareness could sometimes hurt us
Open communication with children [29:05]
The dangers of shielding children from “adult” situations
Safe spaces for children to communicate
Exposure to real life/world situations and conversations
Being a “woke” adult with “soft, unaware” children
Breakthrough and reflection [37:42]
Stuck places from childhood
Familial dynamics
Having the desire to be in tune with yourself
Conversations surrounding sex [38:57]
The birds and bees with your parents
Who talked to your about sex for the first time
Church purity culture
Everything about our behavior is based on our ‘why’ [50:52]
The importance of seeing people for who they really are
The why behind The Love Haze Podcast + our mission
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
EPISODE QUOTES:
The example, the lady who brings the cookies to the office, right? I was kind of that person, right? I will be the person who brings all this stuff. And just thinking in my mind that somehow by osmosis, people will understand that that's what I want in return. And that's just not the way human behavior works.
- Scott Hayes
I think it's more just about learning to seek first to understand, you know, we can always make a judgment on why somebody is who they are. But if you don't dig and find out people's origin story and figure out why, the why behind the what, the what is the behavior, but everything about my behavior is based on my why.
- Scott Hayes
You gotta hear the good and the bad so you can know where people's heads are. Why do you think this? Oh because this person in your life did this. And instead of interpreting it this way, you did it this way. So now you’re struggling with that kind of communication. It’s crucial in any scenario with any relationship work, love anything, it's crucial to have good communication.
- Dom L'Amour
We say that we have conversations about the unspoken hard parts of life, we want to normalize those unspoken hard parts so that people know they're not alone. So I would say it's sort of like a love letter to our younger self.
- Shaté Hayes
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Five Love Languages, book by Gary Chapman
Listen to Issues/Hold On, song by Teyana Taylor
CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:
Spotify Playlist - Music for this moment.
Follow @iamshate on Instagram
Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on Instagram
Clear the haze with our Weekly Word.
We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life.
