Ep. 62: Sometimes, parents just don’t understand.
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We’re unpacking a topic that was submitted by one of our listeners. We’ve mentioned folks who’ve cut ties with family members because of unhealthy relationships, but we haven’t talked about maintaining a relationship with a parent when y’all just don’t get along.
Family relationships can be complicated, and it's not uncommon to experience difficulties in our interactions with our parents, even as we reach adulthood. Let’s bring to light a common issue: feeling that one's parent doesn't truly know or understand them as an adult, resulting in surface-level conversations and a sense of disconnect.
We aim to provide a safe and open space to discuss the emotional challenges faced when trying to establish a meaningful connection with a parent amidst these difficulties
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR
Strained Parent-Child Relationship [2:20]
Difficulty in connecting with parents as an adult, experiencing a surface-level relationship.
Parents treat the individual as a young child needing constant guidance and direction.
Feeling that opinions and decisions are not valued.
Tension in the relationship leading to avoiding family interactions and limited communication.
Parents consistently push for higher achievements, disregarding personal aspirations and choices.
Desire for individual autonomy and to forge their own path being met with resistance and imposition of the parents' plans.
Instances throughout life where the parents seemed to undervalue the individual's identity and growth as an adult.
Tension in the relationship leading to avoiding family interactions and limited communication.
Understanding Autonomy and Growth Pains [4:14]
Reflections on the challenges of growing up and the parallel experience of parents witnessing their child's journey into adulthood.
Acknowledging the natural inclination for parents to perceive their children as "forever young" and maintain a nurturing, protective mindset.
Drawing parallels from personal experiences of leadership roles, where similar nurturing energy exists towards others.
Recognizing the difficulty of asserting one's adulthood and maturity while maintaining respect towards parents.
Navigating Conflict with a Father [19:47]
Relationship struggles during teenage years.
A father's expectations of being an upstanding man
Persistent effort to establish a relationship where they could be seen as equals by their father
Desire to engage in genuine conversations about upbringing, instilled values, and the father's own limitations.
Navigating projected expectations.
Persistent seeking of understanding and connection, while recognizing the need for personal boundaries and self-acceptance.
Saying what you need [28:51]
Adaptability and being prepared for their response.
The first step is to say what you need.
Two choices, stop calling or accept the conversation.
Decide to stay or not stay.
How to navigate difficult situations with parents. [33:24]
Be prepared for how they may or may not receive it.
Seek out support.
Relationships are about practice and practice.
The importance of taking a break.
Lessons learned about parent-child relationships as an adult.
Respect for parents as an individual.
If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co
EPISODE QUOTES:
The only thing that I learned in therapy is that when you're not getting a need met in one place, God’s universe always provides it in another way.
- Shaté Hayes
Parents have these ideas about the child that they're raised. And maybe who we were when they released those out into the world, right to go to college, or whoever. And most of us did our development, like a majority of our growing up in our college years, or in those early years of our 20s. And we're just somebody different. And so we won't fit into the same boxes and, you know, ideals that our parents had of us when we were younger. You know, we've grown and become our own individual people.
- Scott Hayes
I still have to respect my parent as an individual. Not just because they're my parent, but because I respect their individualism.
- Scott Hayes
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