Ep. 65: Seeing Black love matters.

Jul 30

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Listen, if we hear ONE more person come for #BlackLoveDoc, it’s gon’ be a problem. With the recent news of Ms. Tina Knowles-Lawson’s divorce, commenters have been pretty hard on the show, calling it cursed because five of the couples featured have gone their separate ways. Well, we have plenty to say about that, and we got time today.

Tune in for an empowering conversation about separations and why there’s no guilt and shame in choosing the way out; in choosing you.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:

The Black Love Journey [3:51]

The Black Love documentary is not about the do’s and don'ts; it’s simply a representation of Black love
Out of the 70-80 couples featured in 5 seasons, about 5 couples have broken up—this should not be viewed as a curse
In every separation lies the story of resilience and the beauty of standing up for what really would make you happy

The constant fear of being judged [16:50]

The struggle to be someone who respects his own humanity… and others’
People tend to look for the drama
You need to give yourself permission to wiggle out of relationships that are no longer in alignment with who you want to be
Being divorced is NOT the end of life

The haze of choosing the way out [23:55]

You will encounter people who don’t honor your journey, your story
The “negative publicity”
Understanding the separation can be for the better
Breaking free from guilt and shame can be a challenge
Finding the courage to share your story despite the judgment that may come your way
Facing biases (how the Black community is perceived)

Navigating the haze [32:03]

Giving yourself to love, make mistakes, and learn
Getting rid of the notion that you/your life can be perfect
Letting others see your humanity
Being your authentic self, unafraid to share your story

If you or someone you know could find value in the Healing Myself community, please feel free to reach out! You can leave a comment or send us an email at connect@healingmyself.co

EPISODE QUOTES:

I love the idea of documenting all of our journeys, our entire story. And if there was some other doc, if it wasn't just Black Love do, I will still be defending it, if it is our stories, and if it's about our authentic selves. And I will say to people that I hope that this doesn't encourage anybody from being your authentic self. Yeah, whether people can accept you or not. It really is about showing up as who you are. Being able to navigate relationships, and doing the best that you can with the information that you have.
- Scott Hayes

Nobody wants the smoke, nobody wants to be judged. And so I intimately know, the feeling of wanting to shrink back and hide and just stay hidden, because I don't want judgment, or I don't want the fear.
- Shaté Hayes

I want to assure us and to navigate the haze and so all I have is just keep showing up, regardless of what naysayers are gonna say, or what they're gonna call you. And I know that's easier said than done. And we are, these stories are so important. These types of stories, anything that shows our humanity, our existence, our art, the fullness of who we are, is just so desperately needed. And I appreciate it, and I celebrate it and I honor it.
- Shaté Hayes

Give yourself permission to be out here living and loving and earning and correcting. And, like, do it for yourself. Like just just be what it is that you need. Be a person who was able to make a mistake out loud and make the correction out loud too so other people know that there’s no perfection out here.
- Scott Hayes